You are making me mad!

How to stop complaining about challenges at your events and turn them into positives.

When I started out at a young age as a Mobile DJ I remember saying the phrase often, “That guest is making me mad!” or “The bride is making me mad!”  Later in my career as my own personal development changed and evolved I began to realize that I was complaining in a way that was holding me back.  So I made a change.

It was not until later in my career in business, as a speaker and working with top companies al over the world that I realized a new way to articulate that feeling of taking ownership over my behavior, feelings and actions in a new way.  I wanted others like me to understand that to be angry and then blame others was a pointless endeavor.

As an example, let’s take the phrase: “You are making me mad.”

When we break down this phrase we see it is very telling, starting with the word “You.” By saying “You,” a person is saying they have no responsibility in the situation whatsoever. In fact it is the “You” that has all the control. How does it feel to give over your power to someone else? How does it feel like to be at the whim of others?  By blaming the anger, frustration or fear you are feeling on someone or something else a lack of ownership of positive outcomes is created.  Don’t feel bad at this stage of the discussion because most people habitually blame others when feeling angry or upset.  I think it is our way of deflecting the fact that what is actually causing anger in us is the lack of skill or ability we have to make the situation better.

Next, take the word “make.” By saying another person or thing is making something is saying they are intentionally planting anger and horrible thoughts in your mind. In essence, they are bending your thoughts to create anger. To be clear, if someone states the phrase, “You are MAKING me….” they are literally saying that someone else is forcing them to think a certain way. That is insanity. Nobody can make you do anything inside your head, but you. Again, you are transferring power to the other person or object.

Finally, take the words “me mad.” Say those words together out loud. Do it about five times.

“ME MAD, ME MAD, ME MAD, ME MAD, ME MAD”

Do you sound more like a caveman or a dissatisfied two-year-old? Doesn’t really matter, does it? If you actually do this you will realize quickly how ridiculous and useless being mad can really be. You may even discover what a colossal waste of time that tantrum of yours really was. 

We choose anger just like we choose other emotions. We choose whether or not to be happy, sad, angry, confused, or fearful. All of this is under our control. There is no emotion elf waiting by a switch to turn your world on and off. It all comes from within.  Ultimately, that means you are powerful beyond belief. It means that, if you so choose, from today forward no person, thing or situation can have your power. You, and you alone, can control your inner feelings.

As a Mobile DJ you have a responsibility that is huge.  You must control the audience, move energy around the room and help them all have a great time at your direction.  Therefore you have no time for the wasted energy of anger. It’s a useless emotion in your world.  Imagine you are DJing a club event and of course a very drunk guest comes up to your DJ area. They MUST hear the song of choice and demand you play it.  They even say to you through whisky breath, “You are a joke of a DJ if you don’t play my song.” As they walk away you say to your DJ friends standing with you, “That guy is really making me mad.” Congratulations! You have just given your emotional power and control of your mind over to a drunken Jedi.  Bravo. 

Now, let’s take a moment and change that paradigm to take you on another path. Imagine the same guy some up to you, but this time you try the simple exercise above. As soon as you say, “This guy is making me mad.” You stop yourself and say, “Me Mad” five times in your head like throwing a tantrum. Next you ask yourself how you can feel differently about the situation. First off do you believe you are a “Joke of a DJ” as the guy suggested? If you do then you are angry, but only because he reminded you of how bad you actually feel about yourself. The bottom line is that NO ONE can determine your level of happiness or anger at ANY event. Period. What I teach in all of my workshops is how to remove that anger and replace it with skills that help you make the situation better. In the case of “drunken guest” you can, instead of choosing anger, tell the guy you will look for his song. Then one fun technique I would use is asking my new, “Drunken Friend” to help me by going out and getting more requests for me.  The more attention you put on this person, making them your friend instead of being angry, the more likely you will build a powerful new tool for making your events better.

We all want to drive hard to success, but you can’t get there from here unless you are willing to disrupt and break your paradigm.  Your habitual way of thinking, has built a blockade that does not allow you to move forward toward a life fulfilled.  Why?  Because this blockade has been fortified over time with a slew of habitual ways of being that you have practiced over and over again.  This type of technique is what I term, “Hyper Intentional” Instead of making excuses for why you are where you are it’s time for you to completely slam through that barricade and move freely into a business on purpose.

 

Todd Mitchem